I'm random, thanks for asking.

Bi-monthly P&P viewing: check. (Mr. Darcy is still love)

Rewatch parts of Emma on YouTube: check. (easier than putting the dvd in)

Job irritation: check.

New career idea: still drawing a blank.

Worrying about friends: check.

Night spent relaxing instead of grading: check.

Restless mind: check.

If I had ANY other job options right now, even scrubbing toilets, I'd take one in a heartbeat. 12 hour day at work, and I still am not done. I crave the days I give tests because it means I get a break from teaching. However, I can't sit and get work done because I have to answer questions, etc, plus I have to grade the tests. Oh, new math series, yay, right? No, not yay. Still don't have student books. The premade tests are all word problems. Ok, since when did math become another branch of reading comprehension? If the objective I teach is to subtract large numbers, don't give me a test full of word problems where they have to figure out what to do, and then hope they don't screw up the subtraction.

WHY IS ROUNDING NUMBERS SO HARD?? Across the board I hear that kids just don't get this!

I want a job I can leave at work at the end of the day. Even if they are long days, I'd love to be able to say I'm done, but that never happens. Next lessons to plan, materials to figure out, and now, tests to create since the ones I've been given are crap.

I need dinner.

I need an attitude adjustment. It's not fair for me to expect my students to be happy and control their moods when I do a crappy job at this myself. Even if they are the reason for my crappy mood, which they sometimes are, I can't use that as fuel for the fire.

Tomorrow is not really planned out yet. Hopefully I can take care of that in the morning. For a few minutes today, I thought about taking away the Valentine's Day party on Friday. However, that would be really mean of me, unless they really act up the next few days.

When, if ever, is it ok to give up on a kid (and that's only semi-rhetorical)? One who misses so much school that he can't even catch up when he's there, and won't do anything that requires thinking for himself.

I really need a dose of Jane Austen or N&S.

Perpetually behind.
Working on time management and not procrastinating.
Taking work one day at a time.

Just trying to hold onto my sanity, and know that it will be ok, even when I feel like everything is going wrong.

Despite what might come across, I'm actually calm at the moment, just busy.

I totally panicked for a bit. I thought I was possibly out of a job. Crap, I never want to feel like that again.

I think I still hate my district though.

You know how history classes were basically event X happened, factors Q, R and S led up to said events, and then the results were such and such. After something particularly bad occurs, people say oh, it kind of started with this, and then these factors made it worse, but we didn't really realize it was getting worse. Maybe we should have, maybe a few people did notice, but it's all too late now. Let's just clean up the mess and try to not do it again.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, my district's current situation reminds me of a history class. On the one hand, I seem to have this inability to believe people were, intentionally or not, making poor decisions that led to the crisis. I should note that a measure that didn't pass last November is also part of the problem, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. On the other hand, I wonder how long have the powers that be (PTB) been letting things go downhill. A ton of finger-pointing and rumor-spreading is going on. You don't know who to believe, who's good, who's bad, who's looking out for (or trying to screw over) who. Or, as one teacher put so well, the plan looked so good on paper to the PTB and they didn't see all the ramifications that we are facing now. Most plans look better on paper, and most don't go as they should.

We got some answers today, and some encouragement that not all is as bad as we thought. Still, I don't know where I'm going to be next year, or what grade I'll get. We're led to believe we all have a job, but now my fear is that since I'm low in seniority, I'll end up with a grade I don't want. No, I should clarify: there are grades I don't want, and there are grades I'd be doing a disservice to the kids if I had to teach them. Through all this, I can only wait and see.

The next week, if not two, is going to be bad. Horribly busy, not enough time to catch up, pervasive negative/desperate attitude, and to top things off, I'm getting a cold. Oh yeah, my 30th birthday is next Saturday. Whether I'll be able to celebrate it is becoming uncertain.

This is my to do list for the day:
1. Schedule for the week (1/2)
2. /Write any needed lesson plans
3. Finish grading essays
4. Put away laundry/iron/make sure I have enough to wear this week
5. Possibly make new seating charts
6. Drink copious amounts of coffee. Oh, crap, I need to go buy some decaf.

I found my favorite flavor of non-dairy creamer in powder form. Yay toffee nut! I think I should get another container of it for school. I would prefer the liquid kind, but this is better than nothing.

If I go to the store, or Starbucks (to get decaf coffee), I'm never going to get any work done. Argh. Oh well. I'm going anyway. If I'm going to stress, might as well stress while drinking coffee.

Did I mention I have to go back to work tomorrow?

Edit: Ok, it's sad how little I got done.

I just...I have no words. I'm trying to think of what to say, how to say how I feel right now, but I can't. I am drained. I am behind. More work keeps piling on. Even the school counselor can't believe how the kids are acting. Half the class couldn't be bothered to write 3 sentences, one of which they had to copy off the board! I need to plan what I'm teaching tomorrow, and I just can't do it. My brain won't work.

After working all day, I'm going to make sure I'm set for tomorrow and then call it quits. I wish I liked Sundays more, but all I do is work. I worked all day yesterday too. If Friday had not been a holiday I would be losing my freaking mind right now. I'm slightly stressed over midterm grades going out Wednesday. I'm slightly stressed believing that my kids are going to completely reject the project we start this week. I'm stressed (yet again) thinking I'm not teaching them enough. Argh. Need to just relax and read a book.